The day I had a baby
Brace yourselves... This is going to be a long one.
About 4 weeks before my due date, a friend from church gave me a book about hypnobirthing. If you are planning to give birth naturally, I suggest not trying to cram what would take 9 months to learn into 4 weeks.
The book was wonderful. It talks about how birth is a natural, sacred, and beautiful thing. If you are ready to give birth and aren't afraid, there should be no pain. After reading it, I was 100% sure my birth would be a pain free, natural birth. Yeah, my sister and mother said labor was awful but they just don't have as high of a pain tolerance like I did.... Ha. What a silly thought.
We had taken a tour of the hospital and my birth plan was all done. We were ready for this baby to come. I had watched dozens of birth videos and cried during every single one. I made Dan watch at least 3 with me so he would be prepared and not pass out for the birth of our daughter.
A week before my due date, February 3rd, I was feeling pretty crampy. We went to church, came home, and went about our normal routine. Just as we were going to bed, I wanted to watch one more birthing video with Dan. Right after we watched the midwife break the lady's water on the video, my underwear became wet.
"Uh... Dan... I think my water just broke."
"No, you probably just peed your pants again."
"No. It's really wet this time." I ran to the bathroom. "It's clear and it doesn't smell like urine! And it keeps coming!"
"Oh crap! What do we do?"
Well... I should probably pack. And put on make up. We called the nurse, our parents, and left messages with the siblings. Dan went into his mr. clean mode and started vacuuming at 11 at night. We took our time cleaning the house, getting our bags ready, and well just enjoying these last few moments that we had together being just a husband and wife. Our lives would NEVER be the same again. We could never be careless and jump off 50 foot cliffs into the ocean because we were going to be responsible for a child!
Emotions started flying through me. Most of me was excited. Pain wasn't an issue at this point. We got to the hospital a little after midnight. I was all smiles. They put me in a small room and hooked me up to machines to measure my contactions and heart rate. I was having contractions alright but they were very far apart and they didn't really hurt.
I gave them my birth plan, which was like the biggest joke of my life. Here's the thing about birth plans... they are dumb (Please forgive me if you love birth plans). It's not like you can plan when you will deliver (unless you have scheduled C section...) or plan how long your labor will be, or when your water will break, or how long you will push for. The idea of a birthing plan is ridiculous! Anyway... so I gave them my stupid plan which listed I did NOT want to be asked about my pain level, I wanted to have a natural birth without pitocin and an epidural, and I wanted to be free to try lots of different positions to birth my baby.
Sure enough the first thing they do is ask me about my pain level. "I'm fine!" Really at this point I was. I was smiling and feeling excited. The doctor came in and suggested pitocin immediately. "Um actually I don't want that. I'm having a natural birth." I could see the doctor think "oh... one of these girls that will never last more than a half hour during labor. These girls are so obnoxious."
I was moved to a room to give birth in and was told that if my contractions weren't more consistent in three hours, she would start the pitocin. I frantically started praying more than I ever had in my life. There was no way I could make it through without drugs if they gave me pitocin.
A few hours later the nurse tried to hook me up to an IV. Gross! I HATE needles. I'm pretty sure i scared the poor nurse when I yelled that I didn't need an IV or Pitocin and you CAN'T make me take it! The doctor came in annoyed and explained to me that i had to at least have a block and that I really should start the pitocin because there is something obviously wrong with my body because it's not starting labor on its own.
Gee doc... that sure is a great thing to tell a hormonal pregnant woman determined to give birth naturally. There is something wrong with my body?!? "Thanks but I would like to wait a while longer to see what happens." I replied calmly.
The next doctor came in and suggested I walk around. My contractions had become a bit more consistent at this time and I was hoping this would mean no pitocin! Daniel was with me and held my hand the whole time.
Twelve hours had gone by since the time we arrived at the hospital. Still no sign of baby and they hadn't even checked my cervix.
When your water breaks before labor begins, your baby is at risk of infection. Getting your cervix checked increases that chance of infection which is the reason I hadn't been checked yet.
A new doctor arrived and said it was really time to start the pitocin. I reluctantly agreed because I was exhausted and wanted to get this whole thing over with. As she checked my cervix I noticed her forehead wrinkle. "You're completely hard and not even dilated at all."
"What? What does that even mean?"
"It means that even if you were ok with us giving you pitocin, we can't until your cervix has opened."
She told me they were going to try a cervidil. Basically it's a little tab they shove up your vagina and stick on your cervix to ripen it. Then you aren't allowed to get up for 12 hours. And THEN they will check again and see where you are at. And if that didn't work then they will start pitocin. But by then they will probably have to do an emergency C-section because your baby will have been in there too long.
"Good thing our TV has movies on it." Dan piped in. My doctor stuck the cervidil in me and said she would be back in 12 hours to check on me. She said I would most likely be at a one or two. I tried to get some rest which was impossible because I was hooked up to a baby heart rate monitor (to make sure my baby wasn't getting a fever), and another one to monitor my contractions. Plus I was starving. I sent Dan out to get me food even though they said I couldn't have any.
They had put the cervidil in at two in the afternoon on Monday (after having been at the hospital for 13 hours) and by 4 I began to understand the term "labor pains". I remember talking to my mom on the phone and thinking... "oh... this is what people mean about contractions being so painful they make your entire body ache."
We watched the hunger games which helped a bit and sang through my contractions. Then by 8 at night things got really bad. Besides the awful contractions there was another sensation creeping inside my body. It hadn't been there for 3 whole months. Nausea. "Dan get the garbage!" Too late. Half on the floor: half in the garbage. This happened four more times before Estela came. By the end I was dry heaving.
I was getting up to use the bathroom but I couldn't urinate anymore. I kept feeling that I needed to pee so I would wait for a contraction to finish, pull the plugs on my machine, waddle over to the toilet, have another contraction, try to urinate (which wasn't happening anymore), and waddle back to my bed where Dan would plug the machines back in. It was awful. All the while the nurse would come in and ask me if I needed any drugs. UGH! Did they not read the stupid birth plan I gave them?
By 9 or 10 at night (the hours blur together from here), the contractions were so bad I could no longer sing through them. I was standing up for each one and clinging to Dan. "Dan I can't do this anymore. If I am only dilated to a one or two, I won't be able to do this without drugs." I don't know what I would have done without Daniel by my side the entire time. I'm crying as I write this. He told me I was doing so well and that I was so strong. He kept telling me I could do this... that I'm amazing.
My contractions weren't the normal up and down scale that you see on machines. They would peak and stay peaked for 3 minutes long and come again after a minute. On the rare long 2 or 3 minute breaks there were, I would fall asleep and fall over. Good thing Dan was there to catch me.
It was one in the morning when I stood up during another painful contraction and found that my cervidil had fallen out. All of a sudden my contractions stopped being 3 minutes long and were much more bearable. They were still painful but at least I could breathe through them now. "Dan my thingy fell out. Can you get the doctor?"
A few minutes blur by and the doctor is there sticking her hand up me to check my cervix. She hurries to get her hand out before the next painful contraction comes. "Alright so you are like a 5 now so we wont have to use pitocin after all!" She declares with a big annoying grin. "It will probably be another 5 hours before your baby comes."
An hour after standing up and down, clinging to Dan, I was too weak to move. I was laying on the bed when all of a sudden I lost complete control of my entire body. POOP and PEE was EVERYWHERE! Remember how I was going to the bathroom every half hour trying to urinate?? Well it had finally come out and it was a horrid mess. I could tell by Dan's face that it was pretty disgusting.
The urge to push was so strong that my body was shaking with each contraction. It's hard to explain. It felt as if the weight of 100 cannon balls was pressing down on my body.
Dan called the doctor in who checked my cervix once again. I tried to stand up again to help me through another contraction but the nurse pushed me down and said "You can't go anywhere. You're at a 9." The doctor walked out saying she needed to get her boots on or something.
Meanwhile I'm lying here thinking where the heck did the doctor go? I need to get this baby out now! The nurse kept telling me not to push because we needed to do a "practice" push. How the heck are you supposed to not push while every single fiber in my being was practically pushing this baby out of my canal?!?!
I was ready to "breath the baby down" as it says to do in my hypnobirthing book. I was excited to try different positions to get my baby out.
Once again... none of that happened.
Doctor: "Do you want the stirrups?"
Me: "Um no I don't"
Doctor: "Oh trust me you are going to want them"
Picture overload. I could not get enough of this little tiny being that I MADE! I was (and still am) SO in love with my little princess.
Giving birth was an amazing, hard, painful, thrilling, and beautiful experience. They say you forget the pain once they put your child in your arms. That isn't exactly true. I started crying and shaking when I was in the shower three days later because all the memories of contractions hit me like a ton of bricks. I would say it took a solid three weeks for me to mostly forget how intense everything was.
Dan was a saint for staying with me the ENTIRE time i was in labor. He held Estela while I tried to catch up on sleep (something I haven't done yet). When I woke up, he told me all about the fourth trimester for babies and that we need to do everything we can to make Estela feel comfortable here in this new world.
This was one of the most awe inspiring days of my entire life. I'm so blessed to be a mother.
About 4 weeks before my due date, a friend from church gave me a book about hypnobirthing. If you are planning to give birth naturally, I suggest not trying to cram what would take 9 months to learn into 4 weeks.
The book was wonderful. It talks about how birth is a natural, sacred, and beautiful thing. If you are ready to give birth and aren't afraid, there should be no pain. After reading it, I was 100% sure my birth would be a pain free, natural birth. Yeah, my sister and mother said labor was awful but they just don't have as high of a pain tolerance like I did.... Ha. What a silly thought.
We had taken a tour of the hospital and my birth plan was all done. We were ready for this baby to come. I had watched dozens of birth videos and cried during every single one. I made Dan watch at least 3 with me so he would be prepared and not pass out for the birth of our daughter.
A week before my due date, February 3rd, I was feeling pretty crampy. We went to church, came home, and went about our normal routine. Just as we were going to bed, I wanted to watch one more birthing video with Dan. Right after we watched the midwife break the lady's water on the video, my underwear became wet.
"Uh... Dan... I think my water just broke."
"No, you probably just peed your pants again."
"No. It's really wet this time." I ran to the bathroom. "It's clear and it doesn't smell like urine! And it keeps coming!"
"Oh crap! What do we do?"
Well... I should probably pack. And put on make up. We called the nurse, our parents, and left messages with the siblings. Dan went into his mr. clean mode and started vacuuming at 11 at night. We took our time cleaning the house, getting our bags ready, and well just enjoying these last few moments that we had together being just a husband and wife. Our lives would NEVER be the same again. We could never be careless and jump off 50 foot cliffs into the ocean because we were going to be responsible for a child!
 |
| Right before we left to the hospital. I felt like a whale. |
Emotions started flying through me. Most of me was excited. Pain wasn't an issue at this point. We got to the hospital a little after midnight. I was all smiles. They put me in a small room and hooked me up to machines to measure my contactions and heart rate. I was having contractions alright but they were very far apart and they didn't really hurt.
I gave them my birth plan, which was like the biggest joke of my life. Here's the thing about birth plans... they are dumb (Please forgive me if you love birth plans). It's not like you can plan when you will deliver (unless you have scheduled C section...) or plan how long your labor will be, or when your water will break, or how long you will push for. The idea of a birthing plan is ridiculous! Anyway... so I gave them my stupid plan which listed I did NOT want to be asked about my pain level, I wanted to have a natural birth without pitocin and an epidural, and I wanted to be free to try lots of different positions to birth my baby.
Sure enough the first thing they do is ask me about my pain level. "I'm fine!" Really at this point I was. I was smiling and feeling excited. The doctor came in and suggested pitocin immediately. "Um actually I don't want that. I'm having a natural birth." I could see the doctor think "oh... one of these girls that will never last more than a half hour during labor. These girls are so obnoxious."
I was moved to a room to give birth in and was told that if my contractions weren't more consistent in three hours, she would start the pitocin. I frantically started praying more than I ever had in my life. There was no way I could make it through without drugs if they gave me pitocin.
A few hours later the nurse tried to hook me up to an IV. Gross! I HATE needles. I'm pretty sure i scared the poor nurse when I yelled that I didn't need an IV or Pitocin and you CAN'T make me take it! The doctor came in annoyed and explained to me that i had to at least have a block and that I really should start the pitocin because there is something obviously wrong with my body because it's not starting labor on its own.
Gee doc... that sure is a great thing to tell a hormonal pregnant woman determined to give birth naturally. There is something wrong with my body?!? "Thanks but I would like to wait a while longer to see what happens." I replied calmly.
The next doctor came in and suggested I walk around. My contractions had become a bit more consistent at this time and I was hoping this would mean no pitocin! Daniel was with me and held my hand the whole time.
Twelve hours had gone by since the time we arrived at the hospital. Still no sign of baby and they hadn't even checked my cervix.
When your water breaks before labor begins, your baby is at risk of infection. Getting your cervix checked increases that chance of infection which is the reason I hadn't been checked yet.
A new doctor arrived and said it was really time to start the pitocin. I reluctantly agreed because I was exhausted and wanted to get this whole thing over with. As she checked my cervix I noticed her forehead wrinkle. "You're completely hard and not even dilated at all."
"What? What does that even mean?"
"It means that even if you were ok with us giving you pitocin, we can't until your cervix has opened."
She told me they were going to try a cervidil. Basically it's a little tab they shove up your vagina and stick on your cervix to ripen it. Then you aren't allowed to get up for 12 hours. And THEN they will check again and see where you are at. And if that didn't work then they will start pitocin. But by then they will probably have to do an emergency C-section because your baby will have been in there too long.
"Good thing our TV has movies on it." Dan piped in. My doctor stuck the cervidil in me and said she would be back in 12 hours to check on me. She said I would most likely be at a one or two. I tried to get some rest which was impossible because I was hooked up to a baby heart rate monitor (to make sure my baby wasn't getting a fever), and another one to monitor my contractions. Plus I was starving. I sent Dan out to get me food even though they said I couldn't have any.
They had put the cervidil in at two in the afternoon on Monday (after having been at the hospital for 13 hours) and by 4 I began to understand the term "labor pains". I remember talking to my mom on the phone and thinking... "oh... this is what people mean about contractions being so painful they make your entire body ache."
We watched the hunger games which helped a bit and sang through my contractions. Then by 8 at night things got really bad. Besides the awful contractions there was another sensation creeping inside my body. It hadn't been there for 3 whole months. Nausea. "Dan get the garbage!" Too late. Half on the floor: half in the garbage. This happened four more times before Estela came. By the end I was dry heaving.
I was getting up to use the bathroom but I couldn't urinate anymore. I kept feeling that I needed to pee so I would wait for a contraction to finish, pull the plugs on my machine, waddle over to the toilet, have another contraction, try to urinate (which wasn't happening anymore), and waddle back to my bed where Dan would plug the machines back in. It was awful. All the while the nurse would come in and ask me if I needed any drugs. UGH! Did they not read the stupid birth plan I gave them?
By 9 or 10 at night (the hours blur together from here), the contractions were so bad I could no longer sing through them. I was standing up for each one and clinging to Dan. "Dan I can't do this anymore. If I am only dilated to a one or two, I won't be able to do this without drugs." I don't know what I would have done without Daniel by my side the entire time. I'm crying as I write this. He told me I was doing so well and that I was so strong. He kept telling me I could do this... that I'm amazing.
In case you were wondering... this is what having a contraction looks like.
My contractions weren't the normal up and down scale that you see on machines. They would peak and stay peaked for 3 minutes long and come again after a minute. On the rare long 2 or 3 minute breaks there were, I would fall asleep and fall over. Good thing Dan was there to catch me.
It was one in the morning when I stood up during another painful contraction and found that my cervidil had fallen out. All of a sudden my contractions stopped being 3 minutes long and were much more bearable. They were still painful but at least I could breathe through them now. "Dan my thingy fell out. Can you get the doctor?"
A few minutes blur by and the doctor is there sticking her hand up me to check my cervix. She hurries to get her hand out before the next painful contraction comes. "Alright so you are like a 5 now so we wont have to use pitocin after all!" She declares with a big annoying grin. "It will probably be another 5 hours before your baby comes."
Five. More. Hours?!?!?!?!
I kept thinking - how the heck am I supposed to go through 5 more hours of this?
WARNING:
These next paragraphs are pretty graphic and I would advise not reading them if you have a weak stomach.
An hour after standing up and down, clinging to Dan, I was too weak to move. I was laying on the bed when all of a sudden I lost complete control of my entire body. POOP and PEE was EVERYWHERE! Remember how I was going to the bathroom every half hour trying to urinate?? Well it had finally come out and it was a horrid mess. I could tell by Dan's face that it was pretty disgusting.
The urge to push was so strong that my body was shaking with each contraction. It's hard to explain. It felt as if the weight of 100 cannon balls was pressing down on my body.
Dan called the doctor in who checked my cervix once again. I tried to stand up again to help me through another contraction but the nurse pushed me down and said "You can't go anywhere. You're at a 9." The doctor walked out saying she needed to get her boots on or something.
Meanwhile I'm lying here thinking where the heck did the doctor go? I need to get this baby out now! The nurse kept telling me not to push because we needed to do a "practice" push. How the heck are you supposed to not push while every single fiber in my being was practically pushing this baby out of my canal?!?!
I was ready to "breath the baby down" as it says to do in my hypnobirthing book. I was excited to try different positions to get my baby out.
Once again... none of that happened.
Doctor: "Do you want the stirrups?"
Me: "Um no I don't"
Doctor: "Oh trust me you are going to want them"
smiling between contractions: right before i started to push
The doctor told me to take a huge breath in once the contraction started and hold my breath while pushing as hard as I could for 10 seconds. I had a really hard time holding my breath.
The first few pushes I kept trying to breath her down. The doctor kept telling me to hold my breath. The nurse kept telling me to push when I wasn't having a contraction. It was hard for me not to glare at her.
Twenty-five minutes later I was pushing harder than I ever had in my life. A blood vessel popped in my eye and my face was so red that they shoved an oxygen mask on my face. Dan was standing on my left shoving my leg back with nurse on my opposite leg.
Worried glances were exchanged between the nurse and the doctor as she said "you need to push harder or I am going to get the vacuum." How could I possibly push any harder?
"You can do this Tess!" Dan cheered me on. "I can see her and she's beautiful!"
All of a sudden I hear the doctor yell "CODE PINK CODE PINK!" I look to the door as 8 doctors swarm in and shove my legs back. One more push and she was out. They set my blue daughter on me for 3 seconds as the doctor hastily cut her cord and then whisked her away.
I felt so weird. Dan rushed over to where they were examining Estela. "What's wrong with her?"
The doctor told me that her shoulder was stuck on my pelvic bone for a while which caused to her to go limp and blue.
After a few minutes one of the doctors came up to me and said "Babies are meant to go through rough things during birth. Your little one is tough and she is totally fine. You can go ahead and breast feed her now if you would like." (The breastfeeding thing is a whole different story for another post sometime soon. It's kind of traumatic and has me crying at least once a day)
They preceded to hand my my little girl and I was in HEAVEN.
Picture overload. I could not get enough of this little tiny being that I MADE! I was (and still am) SO in love with my little princess.
Giving birth was an amazing, hard, painful, thrilling, and beautiful experience. They say you forget the pain once they put your child in your arms. That isn't exactly true. I started crying and shaking when I was in the shower three days later because all the memories of contractions hit me like a ton of bricks. I would say it took a solid three weeks for me to mostly forget how intense everything was.
Dan was a saint for staying with me the ENTIRE time i was in labor. He held Estela while I tried to catch up on sleep (something I haven't done yet). When I woke up, he told me all about the fourth trimester for babies and that we need to do everything we can to make Estela feel comfortable here in this new world.
This was one of the most awe inspiring days of my entire life. I'm so blessed to be a mother.
You're a strong lady, Tessa, and your little girl is gorgeous.
ReplyDeleteI was all excited to start having babies, but now i'm not so sure...can I just wait in the lobby like the old days?
ReplyDeleteTess! So, I swear I'm not creepy...okay so maybe I am just a little bit ;) But I loved reading this - I was totally into hypnobirthing too but pre-eclampsia kind of put a damper on all of those plans. Hah. Birth plans!!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I was stoked to come across your blog since I deleted Instagram the other week! Can we be blog friends now?? :) hope you're doing well!
I just got back to follow my friends blog and here you are, a mom now! I read the whole story, and you are AMAZING!I was the same when the doctor asked me to push, I couldn't hold my breath, and kept screaming while pushing. Took me like 4/5 pushes to finally get the hold of it. Congrats! and breastfeeding is the best thing you can give to your daughter. I always had a plugged duct (like every two weeks) I cried while breastfeeding my boy, but when I look back now, it's all worth it.
ReplyDelete